I took another step today on my transition path, and it was a psychologically big one.
I had a doctor’s appointment today for a physical, and after being poked, prodded, generally examined, and then deemed fit enough for feminizing hormones, I received a prescription for estradiol 1 mg tablets.
The plan is week one I’ll take 0.5 mg, week two, 1.0 mg, week three 1.5 mg, and week four and beyond, 2 mg.
Those experienced in hormone replacement therapy for male to female transsexuals will no doubt be asking, “But what about spironolactone and why the low dose?” The primary reason is that it’s been made clear to me by my wife that if I grow breasts or proceed with a full transition, the marriage is over. The secondary reason is that I’m more concerned with psychological alleviation of my gender dysphoria than addressing physical secondary sexual characteristics.
So, by taking a low dose of estradiol and foregoing spironolactone, I’m hoping that I’ll be able to discern any mental effects prior to the onset of significant physical changes. I’m also hoping that this regimen will not significantly impact libido or sexual performance with the original equipment.
Combined, the goal is to ease into this to give my wife more time to adjust and give me more time to evaluate if this is the right path for me to take before committing to a full transition. The internal self-check tells me I’m doing my typical, “walk into huge things backwards so my brain can’t see how big it is and freak out,” thing.
I haven’t yet filled the prescription as I want to have one more chat with my wife about this step so she’s up to speed on the plan and goals, (it’s a change from what I previously had been telling her, which was sprio only,) and self-examine the opposing feelings of anticipation and fear that this step has generated.
I could have taken this step over a decade ago and significant fear drove me back from the experiment. The fear was that I would like the hormones and move further in transition. This time around, I’m just as scared, but I’m prepared to take that next step if need be.
P.S. – I really, really, really want to go find a 24-hour pharmacy, get the prescription filled, and wolf down the first pill. Does that make me a transsexual? :-p