I started my hormone replacement therapy this past week. Three days in, and my breasts are now huge!
Just kidding. 😉
Seriously, this is a big thing, and I’m still trying to sort out all the feelings I’m having. They range from euphoric to anxious, excited to scared, and hopeful to melancholy.
|The first estradiol I ever took at 7:30 pm, Wednesday, May 18|
My wife was by my side while I took my first dose, and she said I was courageous to do this in my quest to figure out if this is the right thing for me to do. It was really wonderful of her to say so but in the back of my mind I was replaying our conversation from the previous week where she said she’d divorce me if I transitioned.
Such is my life now, and the next step is for me to see how I respond to the hormones and figure out where, if anywhere, to go from there.
So far, I’ve been feeling pretty darn good, and I’m sure that has more to do with psychosomatic effects than any effects from the estradiol at this point. But I’m already finding that I’m anticipating taking my next dose and starting to think more about how they might shift my body over time.
Now that I’ve gotten over the self-imposed hurdle of allowing myself to take hormones, I’ve been examining the fears I had about them that kept me waiting so long.
What’s emerging is that I still have a long way to go for self-acceptance and finding a balance point between the needs of the self and those of my family.