Last week’s dose: 2mg/day Estradiol
Physical: Libido felt less demanding than normal, but it was not outside of my normal range. No other changes of note since last week.
Mental: I’ve been feeling much closer to my feelings, and I had a good cry during and after I watched the movie, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. In the past few days, it feels like the tears are not far away. I still have a lot of things going in my life right now and while I feel less overwhelmed by everything, I feel more emotion about it all.
Having spent most of my life keeping my emotions and feelings bottled up, it’s a little scary. I feel a bit like a carbonated bottle that’s been shaken vigorously and now the top is slowly being released. Sometimes I feel like I’m going to gush all over the floor and other times I feel like I’ll just go, “pfft”, and that’ll be it.
I’ve set a date later this year to quit my job, which I’ve come to realize has been making me deeply unhappy for many years. I’m now struggling with trying to figure out what comes next career-wise. Will it be working for another company or strike out on my own again like I did when I was younger? There are no clear answers this time around. In the past, this would have driven me really nuts, but now I’m just sitting in the middle of the feelings, waiting to see what unfolds.
I think this is the “calming” effect that others have described, because I feel less anxious about the future in general right now.