While I have my mercurial moments of achievement and fortitude, the personal mean that I tend to revert to over time is of being lazy.

As I contemplate the “where do I go from here?” question around my gender journey, a nagging thought keeps creeping into my mind: it’s a lot of work being a woman in this world, and the woman I’d like to be seen as is very likely moderately high-maintenance in the grooming and clothing department. As a guy, I’ve almost always been very casual in my dress and grooming and the times I’ve brought it up a notch for sustained periods of time were very wearying to me.

Besides all of the other stuff that goes with being trans, I wonder about taking up the daily burden of putting my face on and getting dressed, and how much resistance that adds to my fear of transition because it will be a lot of work.


About cistotrans

A Seattle-area trans woman seeking a happy spot to stay at along the path of transition.
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