[Looking for information about male to female hormone replacement therapy dosing and effects? Read my Brief Overview of Feminizing Hormones post.]
Dose: 2 mg/day estradiol
Weight: 184 lbs.
Physical: Back to the occasional twinges and heaving feeling in the breasts. A bit of acne. My weight is going in the wrong direction, but I think that’s a stress eating response. One subtle thing I notice is that while I feel like I’m walking the same speed as ever, I seem to be passed by more people than usual. My skin is much softer now, which I’m loving.
Emotional: I have felt very much on edge all week. It’s hard to say if it’s coming from the hormones or from life stressors like not being offered the job I interviewed for the other week, the re-organization that’s happening at work, or relationship stuff.
I had a very productive conversation with my sister-in-law about choosing a new name for myself, and then she turned around and talked to my wife about it, which set her off a bit. Nothing huge, but it was another reminder to my wife that things are changing if she wants them to or not. I found it affirming to talk to my sister about names, as it marked the first time a family member has been supportive since coming out about 15 years ago.
I’ve been on the roller-coaster of feeling like I’m doing the right thing around moving towards social transition and then feeling like it’s hopeless. There’s an effortlessness that most people seem to have around being themselves, and I feel like I’m almost constantly working to figure out who and what I am, and it gets tiring. I also worry that I’ll never fit in, and that’s daunting.