[Looking for information about male to female hormone replacement therapy dosing and effects? Read my Brief Overview of Feminizing Hormones post.]
Dose: 3 mg/day estradiol
Weight: 185 lbs.
Physical: The biggest change here is that I’ve upped my dose to 3mg/day in a desire to accelerate effects. I’m feeling more twinges in the breast and nipple area, and some brief aching here and there, but nothing like what I was feeling the first time around.
Every now and then, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and I look different in the face – almost female. Some of it is the combination of electrolysis starting to make some serious progress on my cheeks and neck, some is my haircut, and some is the hormones. It’s subtle now, but I can begin to see the outlines of where I might be headed and it’s exciting and scary at the same time.
Another random tidbit is that testicular volume continues to decline.
Emotional: I’m not sure if it’s the change in dosage or just the stress I’m under, but I notice that I get either a bit frustrated at everything or despondent in the early evening. At night, lying in bed, I feel a yawning void that threatens to pull me in. My stress level at work is ratcheting up and home life this past week has been tough too, as my wife has been sick and both our kids have also been on the edge of not feeling well.
And in the in-between times during the day I’m just happy and feeling good.
The juxtapositoin is interesting, and I haven’t been able to fully figure out what’s going on there yet. Some of it is realizing that I’m further into the uncanny gender valley and how far away I feel from both male and female. It’s the, “What am I doing here?” zone and it’s just plain uncomfortable. Even more perplexing is that I’ve been having more thoughts along the line of, “What the hell am I doing? I don’t really need to be doing this,” and I can’t tell if it’s the fear talking or what.
But every day I look forward to taking my pills and look for more physical signs of change.
Human brains are funny!