HRT Week 15 Review

[Looking for information about male to female hormone replacement therapy dosing and effects? Read my Brief Overview of Feminizing Hormones post.]

Week: 15

Dose: 3 mg/day estradiol

Weight: 182 lbs.

Physical: Is anything happening? If there is, I’m not noticing it. Maybe slightly darker nipples every now and then.

At least I’ve lost a couple of pounds.

Emotional: I am such a hot mess. I’m still sleep-deprived, work is crazy busy and stressful, and home life is dysfunctional. I have no fucking idea what I’m doing with my life about anything, and I just feel confused, lonely, lost, and like I have no one to talk to.

Everything just feels hard.

Relationship – my wife has warmed back up to me a bit, but it’s still at a distance, and I still feel deeply rejected, hurt, and like I don’t have a close confidant to talk with.

Kids – My eldest is special needs and he’s pushing me past my ability to cope with his issues. It feels like I need to take another leave of absence or quit my job in order to take care of him. This is compounded by the fact that my wife is burnt out of taking care of kids, so there’s all sorts of stuff we could be doing for him if she had the capacity to engage on this stuff. It just makes it hard for everyone.

Work – I still have the commute from hell. Expectations at work are ratcheting up and it’s hard to know where I stand. That’s very stressful. I’m still half-heartedly looking for another job closer to home, but I get anxious thinking about moving to another employer that won’t be as accommodating around flex time given my family needs.

I have no futures plans now, and that’s a bad space for me to be in. Every future I consider has a journey through hell to get to the other side, and I just can’t see the advantage of that yet.


About cistotrans

A Seattle-area trans woman seeking a happy spot to stay at along the path of transition.
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