[Looking for information about male to female hormone replacement therapy dosing and effects? Read my Brief Overview of Feminizing Hormones post.]
Dose: 3 mg/day estradiol
Weight: 182 lbs.
Physical: The only thing I’ve noticed this past week is a change in body smell. I smell different – my chemistry is changing again.
The last time I was on hormones, my wife made a comment about it and it was right around then that she had a harder time being around me. Smell is an often unremarked thing when considering compatibility between people, but it can be a huge deal to some people. We often talk about chemistry between people, and this is one manifestation of it, so I’m hoping she won’t have a negative reaction again.
I’ve also had a very hard time sleeping the past few weeks. It’s hard to know if that’s due to me ramping up drinking caffeine or stress.
Emotional: This last week had some serious ups and downs.
On the upside, I had a great camping trip with my oldest son. He had a great time being around other kids his age and just riding his bike and being outdoors with minimal direction. He desperately needs more of that in his life, so it made me happy to see him happy and just being a kid. I enjoyed the camping too, as being in the woods centers me and reminds me there is life beyond the cyber.
On the downside, I was probably the most angry I’ve ever been and had a major meltdown while watching the boys. Their mother travelled to a family wedding this past week so I was on full time dad duty, which I generally don’t mind, but our youngest, now 5, is testing every limit there is around not listening or doing as he’s asked. Couple that with an on the spectrum kid who doesn’t do as he’s asked as a matter of course, and it was really a recipe for massive frustration for me. I was low on sleep (see above) trying to get them rounded up for bed and it was a case of no one listening, running around, and not settling down. This made me massively frustrated, and when I finally got one moving in the right direction, the other would reverse course. Long story short, I totally lost my temper and shouted, and said some things I shouldn’t have said to my eldest. I was able to patch things up with him after my anger burned out, but to me it highlights how much stress I internalize and how much frustration I have around having a special needs kid.
Mix in what I’m going through, a wife who’s battling substance abuse, commute and career that are demanding, and I’m amazed that I’m functional most days.