[Looking for information about male to female hormone replacement therapy dosing and effects? Read my Brief Overview of Feminizing Hormones post.]
Dose: 6 mg/day estradiol
Weight: 183 lbs.
Physical: My head cold is lingering, which is a bother and making me feel decidedly out of sorts.
I’ve noticed that in the evening before bed I feel my chest growing(?). I think this higher dose is really starting to kick in, because my breasts look larger and rounder.
I’m sill in an in-between stage though: they look too large for a man and too small for a woman with my frame size. Hopefully that’ll sort itself out in the coming months!
Emotional: I’m doing better. I attribute this to detoxing from the self-induced vitamin D overdose and getting back into counseling.
I stopped going to the gender counselor I had been seeing because I just felt like there wasn’t anything she could offer me. There wasn’t anything she could offer when I was massively depressed because that was something I had to work out on my own. We always ended up back at the same place and I didn’t feel like I was learning or processing anything new, just wallowing in the same mud.
So I found someone new who’s a general counselor and has had a handful of trans patients. I’ve only had one session, but I liked her vibe so I’ll be going back on a regular basis.
The inevitability of my transition is also starting to sink in. Beside the obvious physical changes, I feel like I’m going through a mental shift. I’m firmly in between worlds now but feel much closer to the land of women than men. I’m even starting to feel eager, particularly when I’m looking in the closet for clothes in the morning.
Clothes that used to look very male on me now highlight my androgyny – that’s been a bit of a shock to work through! Since I’ve been slowly re-building my wardrobe, my energies here are now focused on trying to thread the needle of not looking too femme for work but dressing in a way that doesn’t trigger my dysphoria.
I’m really quite amazed at how far I’ve come, honestly. While I still have a ways to go, I feel like I’ve finally crossed the never ending desert and am getting ready to climb the mountain range.