HRT Week 49 Review

[Looking for detailed information about male to female hormone replacement therapy dosing and effects? Read the Brief Overview of Feminizing Hormones post. You might also be interested in The Transwoman’s Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) Tracking Chart.]

Week: 49

Dose: 5 mg/day estradiol

Weight: 182 lbs.

Physical: About the same.

Emotional: Oddly, given the amount of chaos swirling around me, I’ve mostly been in a good mood. I feel like I’m settling into myself and really starting to understand what other people have said about only finding yourself on the other side of transition.

There are several things in my life that need attention outside of me being trans and I’m trying to grope my way forward to address those as well. Being able to relax into myself is liberating and scary at the same time, and it gives me the space I need to really contemplate what comes next in my life.

The tech industry feels increasingly soulless every day to me and drains and stifles my creativity, so I’m plotting my escape. I’m struggling with how to make the finances work, which means there will be no quick exit.

Home life is tense. My wife is experiencing profound grief over her loss of the male me. It’s all very confusing and queerly validating in its own way. To be mourned when you’re standing right in front of someone is dislocating.Emotionally I understand it but my logical brain goes, “Huh?” The worst part is that there is nothing I can do for her. She sees me as a woman now, and our relationship feels tenuous. At the same time, our friendship is still strong, though frayed at some ends.

This puts us in a bit of a twilight zone that neither of us is comfortable with.

Such is transition.


About cistotrans

A Seattle-area trans woman seeking a happy spot to stay at along the path of transition.
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