[I’m shifting my format around and adding a transition experiences section to capture those events that strike me as notable.]
Transition experiences: Sunday morning I was able to dress as myself again to pick up one of my kids from my mom, and she complimented me on my boots. That felt like a small victory in my relationship with her in a way, given her previous animosity.
I’m getting closer to selecting my new name. I’ve been putting this off and people close to me have been asking what it is! Once I have it chosen, I’ll turn my attention to a transition checklist.
Emotional: Steady as I go. Ups and downs but it feels like the shock absorbers are working properly for the first time ever. That’s a good feeling!
I planted the seed with my eldest kid about what to call me other than dad. He suggested mom, which I’m fine with but I know my wife isn’t. I told him she was possessive over that name, which was a poor word choice on my part. She has a lot invested in being the only mom, telling me quite forcefully that I’m _not_ mom. I appreciate her position, and solving for this is proving to be hard.
Harder is us simply pulling away from each other. She pulls away from me because she’s grieving her husband and she doesn’t want to be in a relationship with a woman, and I’m pulling away from her because I feel rejected, lonely, and tolerated, not embraced and supported emotionally. She puts a good veneer over her anger but it bursts through here and there, like it did around the “mom” name.
This week also found me discovering that my name was on a public list at work as a transgender support contact and had been for months. This was a big shock. While I can’t trace any discrimination back to it, it was deeply unsettling and made me feel exposed and that my privacy was violated. It’s possible that some have seen it, but no one has said anything to me. The positive thing here is that some previously random, cryptic email now makes sense. Getting it untangled without raising my profile even higher is the next task here.
Physical: Until I started hormones, I did not have much body odor. Now if I have caffeine and exercise, I’m stinky! Is this why women wear perfume? 😮
Electrolysis has been working its slow magic; my last session left me with a sparse moustache and a very small soul patch. I’m probably less than ten hours away from my first full clearing!
Weight: 182 lbs.
Dose: 5 mg/day estradiol
[Looking for detailed information about male to female hormone replacement therapy dosing and effects? Read the Brief Overview of Feminizing Hormones post. You might also be interested in The Transwoman’s Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) Tracking Chart.]