Transition experiences: About the only thing I’ve noticed is how different I am from the men I’m still taken to be one of. I don’t dress like they do, I don’t talk like they do, and I don’t look much like them either with my long hair.
Being introduced as ‘husband’ or ‘brother-in-law’ is increasingly grating on me, (“I’m not, I’m not, I’m not,” she said petulantly while stomping her foot,) yet I’m at a loss right now on how I’d want my wife or in-laws to introduce me and explain my relation to them. ‘Partner’ or ‘spouse’ seem like reasonable substitutes, but they feel awkward to me. Maybe we need to try them on for size.
One thing that’s annoying that probably shouldn’t be is that they haven’t asked me how they should refer to me. It’s a small thing in the big scheme of things, but it does show how far cis people, even loved ones sometimes, have to go in understanding and accommodating trans people.
Emotional: I hate my job-I’m a total burnout case, but I don’t know what I want to do next. I’ve been in tech/Internet for almost 25 years now (urp!), and while the pay is great, it doesn’t fill my soul. If anything, it drains it now.
I’m trying to take some time here and there to think deeply about what comes next, yet nothing has really appealed to me except becoming a starving writer. The really hard part is that I’m incredibly fortunate to be even have a job or be in a place where I have options to change it, and that my employer covers just about all trans-related medical expenses.
A job change right now would entail locating another employer that also covered medical transition, then there’s the fact of my actual social transition in the not so distant future. I’d rather find a job as me, not this other me I am now.
This all seems to net out to gritting out where I’m at until I’m past at least social transition, which adds to my job stress.
Mostly, I’m just depressed right now.
Physical: Had to miss electrolysis again last week since my kids came home with lice the day before (ick!) and I spent the day de-lousing the house. Otherwise, mostly feeling run-down due to not enough sleep and the general stress of life right now.
Weight: 182 lbs.
Dose: 5 mg/day estradiol
[Looking for detailed information about male to female hormone replacement therapy dosing and effects? Read the Brief Overview of Feminizing Hormones post. You might also be interested in The Transwoman’s Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) Tracking Chart.]