Transition experiences: At work, had another men’s bathroom incident with the guy hesitating before coming in after seeing me.
The bigger news was Sunday night, out to dinner with my family, mom, and brother. I femmed it up, with makeup and a women’s blouse and jewelry. I hadn’t seen my brother for a while, and he was a jerk the last time I saw him, so I was steeled for a shitstorm.
He took it in stride and was mostly respectful, though he did look surprised when he first saw me. My mom didn’t say anything at all, but did ask me if I had seen the Jenner interview (I still haven’t), and I think she wanted to talk about it, so I’ll add that to the stack of things to do.
Anyway, on our way to dinner out, we drove past some family friends who I know are aware about me through my wife but I haven’t talked to them directly, and we slowed to talk to them as we passed, and they looked surprised. Guess it’s time to talk to them…
At the restaurant, one of the servers called me miss, which was sweet, and then my wife discovered that a co-worker moonlighted at the restaurant as a bartender and I was introduced as my wife’s husband. Her friend took it in stride and was polite and chatted with me a bit.
My brother did snark at me a few times, emphasizing the words ‘boy’ and ‘man’ a few times, an I let it roll off.
What is starting to itch at me is being introduced by my wife as her husband. It’s making me feel increasingly uncomfortable, especially when I’m more overtly feminine, due to the implicit gendering. On the horizon is talking with her about that in a couple of weeks. I’m leaning towards being introduced as spouse, because my wife is Not A Lesbian, so wife is out of the question.
I’ve also taken to introducing myself as my children’s parent instead of dad when meeting other parents.
Emotional: I’m doing pretty well here, all things considered. The broken foot/crutches thing is very frustrating to me, but I’m dealing.
I had anxiety around my brother’s visit, and was pleasantly surprised that it wasn’t that bad.
I do have a growing sadness about the obviously forthcoming dissolution of my marriage. I brought up divorce the other week, and discussion on that is tabled for a couple of weeks until we both get some larger projects and tasks out of our way that are consuming our attentions.
The flip side of that is a growing self-acceptance of the forthcoming changes in my life around my marriage, my job, my body, and my social role.
I have chosen this path and I continue down it. Even when the dysphoria feels overwhelming and it all feels hopeless, even when I feel the loss of my intimate relationship with my wife and I fear never having another lover, I know I cannot, will not return to what I was before.
Physical: Nothing to report.
Weight: 180 lbs.
Dose: 5 mg/day estradiol
[Looking for detailed information about male to female hormone replacement therapy dosing and effects? Read the Brief Overview of Feminizing Hormones post. You might also be interested in The Transwoman’s Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) Tracking Chart.]