Transition experiences: The big news is that I came out to group of close friends on a small, private mailing list I’ve been on for many, many years. Everyone’s really been wonderful about it, and several have stopped by the blog here (hi!). I’ve only met a handful of these people in real life, yet I was still anxious about it. Many welcomed Heather to the list and those that are geographically close have offered to get together, which I really appreciate. It’s great feeling to be supported that way!
I’ll repeat myself here and say that coming out gets easier very time. The nerves might never go away, but I view it as a skill to practice and what was originally something I would hem, haw, and stammer over is now a simple statement of fact akin to just about anything else I might talk about.
Friday I worked from a remote office and since I had a two-hour electrolysis and a counseling session booked for the afternoon, I dressed as myself. The remote office is sparsely populated and has a dedicated area for floaters like I was, so I didn’t see that many people and it was just a non-issue. I can now say I’ve been to work as myself.
What did turn into an issue was the realization that I would have to use the bathroom at some point! Amazingly, I didn’t realized this until I was already well into my commute, so when the time came, I screwed up my courage and just used the facilities. Both times it was deserted and I didn’t have to worry about any interaction, but it was a milestone for me.
I spent most of the rest of the weekend as myself, which is a routine I’m settling into and is good prep for full-time later this summer. What it has been teaching me is that when I don’t worry about how I look, it’s easier and that I have huge gaps in my wardrobe that I need to fill out. My collection of tops is fairly diverse, but I discovered that I didn’t have any cardigans or layering pieces like camis, so pulling a casual outfit together is harder than I thought it would be.
On the small end of things, I received my first postal mail to Heather. I had applied to a writing retreat earlier this year using my new name and that’s how I’m now in their system. It was totally unexpected and to see it printed out made a slice of transition more concrete for me.
Emotional: I’ve been swinging between the poles of happy and sad as I consider the future. I’m happy with where my life is headed overall and the opportunities before me and sad that my marriage is the cost of moving forward. I hate that there’s no way to preserve my relationship and do what I need to do.
The new job I’ve applied to is moving along, as I turned in a homework assignment that I really enjoyed doing. I’m hopeful I’ll be called for an in-person interview and I’m keeping my fingers crossed.
Physical: My foot is healing well and I’ve graduated from the medical boot to my rigid alpine hiking boots. I can now bend my ankle and my leg doesn’t get all sweaty from having it all wrapped it.
Two hours of electrolysis last Friday made a surprising dent in the dark hairs on my upper lip and I’m feel like I’m in the home stretch on facial hair removal.
Weight: 176 lbs.
Dose: 5 mg/day estradiol
[Looking for detailed information about male to female hormone replacement therapy dosing and effects? Read the Brief Overview of Feminizing Hormones post. You might also be interested in The Transwoman’s Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) Tracking Chart.]