Transition experiences: I’m on vacation, and it’s been all about using the women’s room and being myself as much as possible. I have some deeper thoughts I’ll explore in a future post around passing, and what I think it is.
Emotional: Melancholy and frustrated. This is likely the last full family vacation we’ll have together and it makes me sad. The kids are having a great time and I’m doing my best to focus on them and their fun.
As a part of this trip we met up with some of my wife’s family, and I’ll admit to some anxiety about it because my wife had told me that they were judgmental and angry at me. While I did get some cold shoulders that manifested as avoidance and not being included in some conversations, everyone was polite, even as I could see some visible discomfort in a few. That was a relief.
The frustration is coming from being around my wife. She’s not in a good space emotionally or physically right now, and there have been times where she’s looked like she’s been seething at me and I ask what’s up and she says nothing. I know that’s not true and her inability or unwillingness to articulate how she’s feeling has been grating on me, as I fear I’m going to step on an emotional land mine without any warning.
It could be that seeing me being myself is just a painful reminder of what she’s losing, and since I’m the object of her anger, she’s not engaging with me on it. In any event, it makes me sad that my friend won’t or can’t talk to me, and that I’m a major contributor to her emotional discomfort.
Physical: Not much going on here, excepting continued nipple area tenderness when poked. Electrolysis continues and I’ve made some good progress on my upper lip; the end of major work feels like it’s about maybe ten hours away or so.
Weight: 179 lbs. (There’s no scale on vacation, so I’m assuming I haven’t gone up or down. ;-))
Dose: 5 mg/day estradiol
[Looking for detailed information about male to female hormone replacement therapy dosing and effects? Read the Brief Overview of Feminizing Hormones post. You might also be interested in The Transwoman’s Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) Tracking Chart.]