Transition experiences: Not many, as I’ve been keeping things low-key up until later today, when I wore a deep v-neck t-shirt out for shopping and dinner with the family.
Notably, at one store after approaching a clerk for assistance, she handed me off to another with, “He needs…(glances at me,) they need…”, which was a decent recovery. Then at the checkout counter, a man was talking to the cashier, but not ready to check out, so said, “Let this…(long pause as he looked at me,) person go first…” Again, it’s better than a total mis-gender and it was respectful.
Dinner out saw a table of three jerks at the table across and behind me staring and I could hear them talking about me but couldn’t make it all out other than, “No, that’s a dude.” Whatever. My wife kept looking at them, likely because they were looking our way and I could see her getting close to saying something, but she didn’t.
Emotional: I’ve been stress eating like crazy. The limbo of what’s happening with my divorce has been weighing on me, and my wife has finally decided that she can’t afford to keep our house on her own, so she’ll be moving out. While I’m relieved that there is finally some clarity here, the reality of our impending divorce is now crashing into me.
I’m already lonely and I fear rattling around in this house when the kids are at their mom’s. The flip side of this is that I’ll have more time for myself to do things I’ve been unable to do like cook for myself, running, and writing.
The kids have been in camps every week so far this summer, and they’re starting to rebel, especially our eldest, who struggles with ADHD and another chronic physical issue. Some of these incidents with him are emotionally draining, this morning being the worst so far with him threatening to kill himself as he pulled a knife out of the knife block and waved it around a little bit. He’s frustrated with his life and doesn’t yet know how to get it out or explain it well, so it all comes out as rage.
On top of all this, I’m looking for a new job. In the past week, two jobs completely evaporated as I worked through the process, completed a formal interview for another that I’m waiting to hear back on, and had another one drop into my lap that I’ll interview for if I don’t get the one that I’m waiting to hear on.
Still, this period of time has been a swirling mix of frustration, anxiousness, sadness, anger, rejection, and anticipation. This time will pass.
Physical: My skin is very, very soft in a sensuous way and I love how I feel. I’m not sure when it happened, and it seems as if there’s been a qualitative change from even a few months ago.
Weight: 180 lbs.
Dose: 5 mg/day estradiol
[Looking for detailed information about male to female hormone replacement therapy dosing and effects? Read the Brief Overview of Feminizing Hormones post. You might also be interested in The Transwoman’s Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) Tracking Chart.]