Ever since I told my kids I was trans, they’ve both been resistant to the idea of my transition. Over the past few months, I’ve been trying to gently remind them every now and then that it’s coming. I’m usually met with cries of, ‘I don’t want you to change!’ or ‘I’m going to run away if you do!’ or ‘You’ll still be a boy.’
My eldest has been the most resistant, telling me he’s scared of my transition. At nine, he can’t (or won’t) articulate what he’s scared of. I remind him that I’ll be the same person on the inside, but that I may look a little different on the outside, but it’s mostly been to no avail.
I’ve spent time with them out as myself and interestingly, they haven’t really noticed! I’m just dad and dad has always looked this way, so what’s the difference again? 🙂 As there have been more opportunities recently for me to be me when I’m with them, I gently point out that I look more female than male to make them more conscious of it. Usually, they brush it off.
No matter where we go or what I look like I’m ‘Dad.’ This has garnered a few looks here and there and made me uncomfortable at times as they’ve either outed me or made it challenging to explain who I am to the people we’re meeting.
I’ve been working on my eldest for a few months now about what he and his brother can call me when I’m out as a girl, and he’s always drawn a blank until the other night. It was bedtime, and I pointed out that when I looked more like a girl, calling me dad could be confusing for other people. I emphasized that he could call me whatever he wanted, including dad, because I want him to be invested in this decision, and I asked if there was another name maybe he would be willing or like to use?
His answer was, ‘Maybe I could call you Heather, because that’s your girl name, right?’ I told him that it was, and that calling me Heather would be great, and then dropped the conversation.
It hasn’t happened yet and the youngest still isn’t on board, but eight months later it feels like a breakthrough!