We’re often told how brave or courageous we are to transition. This false praise often comes from cis people, but even trans people tell this to each other sometimes and it’s total bullshit.
We know that there’s nothing brave about getting away from something that tears you apart from the inside fiber by fiber. There’s nothing courageous about choosing to live over choosing to die – that’s normal and healthy.
Transition is a rational response to the irrational situation of dysphoria, and we don’t transition because we’re brave or courageous to battle internal demons or push back against institutionalized transmisogyny; we transition because we’re strong. We might have been afraid to transition, which is what creates the air of bravery when we do, but we know in our hearts that we started to transition when we felt strong enough to begin.
We reach a point where we simply cannot carry the multiple, often emotionally crushing burdens of hiding in plain sight, of feeling torn, of having unmet needs, of loneliness, and of unhappiness any more. This does not mean that those who do not transition are weak. On the contrary.
We are all diamond-strong to put off transition even for a minute, yet every gem has its flaws and can be split. Some need to split many times before they are ready to transition while others chafe at the strains sooner and begin to address them right away.
Carrying these loads is exhausting and for some it is too much. For those who shatter, our grief is that the weight set upon them was too great, not that they could not carry it.
We are strong, every one of us, whether we show it to the world or not. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.