Transition experiences: I tried to order a second credit card with my name on it, but Bank of America, and I suspect most banks nowadays, wouldn’t. Back in the late 1990’s, I was able to do this easily. I’d call a bank up, say I needed a card for Lisa (the name I was using then,) and they’d send one out. My guess is that will all things financial post-9/11, they’ve significantly tightened rules.
The service agent I talked to was quite nice about it and while I could tell she was surprised why I was ordering a new card with a different name, she didn’t skip a beat and put me on hold to talk to her supervisor to see what she could do. She is sending me out the name change form, so at least I’ll be clear on what they want when that time comes.
My eldest was playing around the other night and announced, ‘I need help from someone with the initials H_!’ I asked if H_ stood for Heather _____ and he said yes. That warmed my heart and he used my initials again a few more times.
I discovered that in my company’s employee records system I’m coded as female. This surprised me and at first I wondered if someone had coded me based on my badge photo because I have so much hair going on in the picture. Upon reflection, I’m wondering if I ticked the female box when I signed up to grease the skids for the future, Now, I can’t remember. When I started it was just before my wife moved out and I honestly don’t remember what the heck was going on. Anyway, it feels like a small win for the future!
I came out to my niece via Facebook before I saw her in person over the weekend and it was no big deal for her and it generated some feelings for me. That same night, my mom said, ‘Well, señor..ora, oh sheesh! Sorry!’ It was nice to have her catch and correct herself.
Emotional: Feeling stressed, but maintaining. As I settle into my new job, I’m realizing the pressures to perform are huge and my responsibilities are commensurate. Mix in a torrent of things that need attention, and I’m struggling to triage and prioritize everything.
This has left me cocooning, as all my energy is going into my kids and work, with precious little for myself or friends. This is why I’ve mostly gone dark on social media. I haven’t had the time or energy to engage.
And while I’ve been blocked on longer form writing, (other than these check-ins,) poetry of all things has been easier and I wrote two pieces last week, Echoes and Foundering. Keeping creativity percolating has helped me maintain my sanity.
Home life is about the same. Being a part-time single parent is hard, and I’m already seeing that my natural response to all of this stuff, getting organized, it kicking back in and making things more manageable. I’m also starting to shift some responsibilities that my kids should have been doing on their own but that my wife and I had been doing for them to them, and they are responding well. These are little things like putting shoes away when they come in and putting the dishes in the dishwasher and it’s warmed my heart to see how they’re trying.
My wife is still dragging her feet on our divorce paperwork and it’s really irritating me. I can’t tell if it’s her passive-aggressive way to get back at me for upturning her life or if she’s just overwhelmed and unable to cope due to her substance abuse; it’s probably a combination of both.
The good news is that I am starting to feel like there’s a light at the end of the tunnel that isn’t a train at that a few weeks out after some more cycles with and without the kids, I should have the house fully organized and the routine down.
Physical: What is sleep? At least I lost a couple of pounds by not jamming every piece of food in my mouth that I could find!
Weight: 174 lbs.
Dose: 6 mg/day estradiol via tablets
[Looking for detailed information about male to female hormone replacement therapy dosing and effects? Read my Brief Overview of Feminizing Hormones post. You might also be interested in The Trans Woman’s Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) Tracking Chart I created.]