Transition experiences: Spent the entire weekend as myself, which included a visit and running the Seattle Half Marathon with a friend and friends of his and his girlfriend. Everyone was really nice and respectful, though I could tell the friends of friends were a bit nonplussed by me now and again. My friend mixed up my name a lot, but he always corrected himself.
I ran into a co-worker on the course, which was a bit awkward, but she rolled with it and it wasn’t exactly the best time to have a heart to heart talk since we were both borderline exhausted. I bumped into her after the race and she introduced me to her husband, who asked her, ‘Is this [female name] that you were talking about earlier?’ She said, ‘No, this is [deadname] from work.’ I was mostly amused and slightly shocked that he seemed to gender me female, as I felt big and ugly and was terribly sweaty. Maybe wearing pink running shoes and a magenta top helped? Who knows. I’ll take the win and I’m planning on telling her soon.
While parking my car in a parking lot, I was shouted at by an attendant, ‘Hey, ma’am, please move over here!’
Then during the week it’s ‘sir’ everywhere. Clothes and hairstyle seem to make a huge difference in how I’m perceived.
Emotional: Drained. I some post-race depression due to draining my body physically and emotionally to finish it and I’m also feeling like I’m struggling at work. Mostly, I feel overwhelmed right now on work and personal fronts. Work is extremely demanding and in my personal life I’m still adjusting to living alone part of the time and being a part-time parent the other time. It’s rough. I’m spending way too much time just spacing out, which is my signal that I’m overloaded, but I can’t figure out how to shed things as it’s all stuff I have to do or work through.
Layer in some personal revelations around being trans that I’m not quite ready to go into here yet, and I need a vacation with zero responsibility.
Physical: Pooped out and stress eating like crazy. I’ve dropped my dose back down to 5 mg/day since I’ve been feeling super on-edge, and I know that I had a negative reaction last time to the 6 mg/day and I’m hoping it’ll help me chill out a bit more. I’m not sure if it’s helping yet.
Weight: 178 lbs.
Dose: 5 mg/day estradiol via tablets
[Looking for detailed information about male to female hormone replacement therapy dosing and effects? Read my Brief Overview of Feminizing Hormones post. You might also be interested in The Trans Woman’s Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) Tracking Chart I created.]