Transition experiences: Our heroine had more than a few things popping on this front this past week!
Top of the list for me was dinner out and going to Star Wars Saturday night with my kids while wearing a dress. The last time I wore a dress out was for my birthday in August, so it’s been a while. And it was…uneventful – exactly how it should be. Even used the ladies room and didn’t seem to tweak the radar of the teenagers, which gave me a moment of anxiety.
Dinner was also nice and unremarkable, excepting that I came out to a friend on Facebook the night before as I had not seen him in almost a year and didn’t want to catch him totally off-guard. He was enthusiastically supportive on Facebook and in person, was maybe more reserved than he normally is, but it didn’t seem to faze him. His teenaged daughter was really sweet, complimenting me on my hair, so this was a win all the way around.
On Thursday I came out to a coworker, and she was also awesome. She was supportive, asked some good questions, and it wasn’t everything we talked about. Sadly for me, she has just moved to another job and another building and I’m really hoping that I’ll be able to keep in touch with her.
Saturday day I decorated our Christmas tree with my kids, and pulling out ornaments that my grandmother bought for me and a stocking she knitted when I was a kid, all with my old name on them gave me some twangs. She’s been dead over twenty years now and usually seeing these ornaments give me a smile and this time it left feeling conflicted.
What does one do with objects that have your old name on them but are sentimental items? It’s a Zen koan that has no answer for me yet.
Sunday capped things off with a cashier explaining to my youngest about the donation I’d just made by saying, ‘…and your, uh. Your, uh… You made a donation…’ There’s nothing like hearing someone almost say, ‘mom’ and then pull back because you’re visibly trans.
Oh well, can’t win them all!
Emotional: I mentioned the holiday ornaments and I’m mostly over it now, but golly, it really sent me for a loop for a bit. Otherwise I’ve been pretty even this past week except for some late-evening snippy-ness, which is likely a combination of disobedient children, lack of sleep, and job stress. I have a big presentation this Wednesday morning and it will set the course of my next work year, so I’m justifiably on edge about it.
I’m really happy to have found a new friend at work and a female one at that. I have some great friends, but most are male, and I’m realizing more and more now how much I crave friendship with other women. Part of it is a desire to learn more about making my way in life as a woman from them, but it’s also part of a ‘this is my tribe’ sort of desire.
Physical: I’m still not sleeping well. The daily split of medication dosage seems to be keeping my hormone levels more level, but I’m keeping a close eye on my end of day crankiness. It also seems to have triggered something, as my boobs ache more than they normally do.
I’ve been struggling with a leg injury that I sustained while out on a run the Sunday before last. My left leg hurts and I’m limping more than normal. It’s frustrating, because I want to get back into running and this is a blocker.
Weight: 177 lbs.
Dose: 6 mg/day estradiol via tablets, split into AM/PM doses of 3mg/each.
[Looking for detailed information about male to female hormone replacement therapy dosing and effects? Read my Brief Overview of Feminizing Hormones post. You might also be interested in The Trans Woman’s Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) Tracking Chart I created.]