Transition Experiences: Deadnamed and misgendered most of Christmas day by everyone. On the day, it mostly irritated me and I cut them some slack because I had only asked everyone to start to call me Heather a couple of days beforehand. Plus, they’d been drinking. What did hurt was my niece deadnaming me after I had given her a card signed Aunt Heather when she had been good beforehand.
In the truth is stranger than fiction department, my mom gave me a beautiful butterfly wing pendant that’s an actual wing. I’m 99% certain she’s unaware of the trans butterfly trope, so it made me smile. She also gave me two scarves, one a beautiful blue infinity loop.
After dinner at Few’s, I was at a loose end and went to see Star Wars again and had to use the bathroom. It was my first experience of seeing a women’s room as a disaster. Plugged toilets, no toilet paper in many of the stall, and it was grosser than many men’s rooms I’ve been in. Ick.
With my part-time parenting I’ve had to move to every other week for electrolysis and I had an appointment the day after Christmas. I’ve made some solid progress on hair removal this year and it was nice to just do something for myself.
Monday night I went to hear Jamison Greene, President of WPATH, speak at the Seattle Public Library. It was standing room only and they even turned people away at the door, with several of those people staying with ears pressed to the glass to hear. It was interesting to hear the history of the org and his personal journey to join the organization and shift it to be more professional and trans-friendly. What struck me the most was the attendance. The first gender meeting I ever went to about 20 years ago had about five people, it was in a basement, and it felt furtive. That public talks have to turn people away at the door is nothing short of remarkable to me.
Emotional: Ugh, holidays. This was my first Christmas not being with my kids and it was hard. I still saw them Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, but it was still hard. Since I was growing out my stubble for electro the next day, I wasn’t feeling particularly attractive and instead of the dress I had planned to wear I went with a more casual sweater and jeans. I wonder if that contributed to the deadnaming?
All in all, I’ve mostly been lonely and felt more acutely what I’ve given up to walk this path. I’m private to the point of reclusive to begin with but I’m finding that hermitage isn’t as comfortable as it used to be for me.
Physical: Fat, tired, and lazy. I ate too much food and sweets and the weight shows it. My sleep has been all over the map from 3 – 10 hours and I just feel tired most of the time. I’m sure some of it is seasonal and I’m happy we’re heading back to more sunlight now.
Weight: 181 lbs.
Dose: 6 mg/day estradiol via tablets, split into AM/PM doses of 3mg/each.
[Looking for detailed information about male to female hormone replacement therapy dosing and effects? Read my Brief Overview of Feminizing Hormones post. You might also be interested in The Trans Woman’s Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) Tracking Chart I created.]