Transition Experiences: Quote of the week: ‘I totally thought you were cis.’
That came from a new friend I met for coffee and who only knows me as Heather. There’s all sorts of problematic stuff wrapped up in that statement around cis normality as default, passing privilege meant as a compliment, and unspoken acknowledgement that I’d met beauty culture standards. She sensed my discomfort when she said it and we talked about it a bit, but it caught me so off-guard that I couldn’t put my finger on why it made me uncomfortable in the moment. So it’s something I’m going to have to address with her the next time I see her.
In a nutshell, that statement is one of those definitive trans woman experiences, where it would be easy to take it as a compliment and let it slide, but self-respect calls me to educate the people in my life and risk having them peg me as overly sensitive.
Emotional: The cat is surely gone, and this has left me mixed. I miss the little guy some days and other days I’m really happy I have one less thing to take care of.
One thing I’ve noticed is that I’m keeping myself really busy but not feeling like I’m getting much done. I think I’m avoiding thinking too much about my impending divorce and transition, because it is overwhelming in a ‘holy shit, I’m almost there after years of anticipation’ way.
The split life I live now between work/not-work is increasingly mentally burdensome and tiresome, and I’m really looking forward to living an integrated, more open life.
Physical: With the cat gone, I’m sleeping better because it’s not crawling all over me in the middle of the night. We will not talk of my weight.
Noticeable to me is muscle mass loss in my clavicle (front shoulder to neck) area. The bones are more defined and noticeable, and the overall effect is that the area just looks more feminine. My boobs are also back to occasional twinges and look more round to my eye.
My takeaway as I approach the 2 year anniversary of continuous HRT is this and other more subtle physical changes put me in a slow, gradual change zone that will eventually imperceptibly shift to maintenance vs additional change.
Weight: 179 lbs.
Dose: 6 mg/day estradiol via tablets, split into AM/PM doses of 3mg/each.
[Looking for detailed information about male to female hormone replacement therapy dosing and effects? Read my Brief Overview of Feminizing Hormones post. You might also be interested in The Trans Woman’s Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) Tracking Chart I created.]