Transition Experiences: Went out Friday night with an old friend, and it was nice to just be two women sitting at the bar talking. We hadn’t seen each other in person for at least five years though we’d kept touch online, so she had lots of questions about me and my journey. I answered the best I could, and she really made an effort to understand and listen. We got a, ‘Good night, ladies,’ as we left. That’s still so new-ish to me sometimes that it’s notable. What’s not new is the couple across the bar from us that kept staring and leaning in and whispering to each other.
Saturday was electrolysis day and I met a friend for lunch afterwards, and the waiter was kind of a jerk to us, making it a point to call us ‘guys’ (my friend is cis male) several times, and loudly using my male name to thank us as he dropped off my credit card.
Sunday was hang around the house and be domestic day, except for a couple of errands, one of which was to return something at the hardware store. The male clerk was his usual surly self, (this place is notorious for its bad service, but they have better selection than the local Ace,) and then I saw him and his counterpart staring at me and talking as I was pulling away. Whatever.
You know what though? All the staring and whispers and snarks? That’s all their bullshit. Yes, it gets annoying. But fuck ’em.
Emotional: The feel of this is very, very hard to describe right now. There are so many inputs from different directions, each with their own layers of nuance that amplify or dampen in mixture from their myriad frequencies and amplitudes.
Overall, I’m moving into a positive emotional space and I see that accelerating over the next few months.
Friday I dropped off the paperwork at my lawyer’s for my divorce, and while it was bittersweet in a way, there was no hesitation and I felt a sense of relief. It unblocks me for transition, and that’s fucking awesome.
A teammate from my previous workplace reached out to me and she told me that my former boss had told her about me, that she was supportive, and now we’re trying to find a time to get together. I continue to be humbled by how many friends I really have and their support.
Lastly, I’ve met someone who has become very dear to me in a short time and is helping me to understand that I am lovable. It is quite a thing for me to feel, especially at this particular point in my life. How. Fucking. Lucky. Am. I?
Physical: I’m sick with a chest/sinus viral thing. The crud has been going around the office and I thought I missed it, but I guess not. I’m also open to the idea that it’s a stress letdown sickness. I’ve had a huge part of my life on pause for a long while, and now that it’s un-paused, there’s a tangible relief I feel as I let some of that tension escape my body.
Weight: 175 lbs.
Dose: 7 mg/day estradiol via tablets, split into AM/PM doses of 4mg/3mg.
[Looking for detailed information about male to female hormone replacement therapy dosing and effects? Read my Brief Overview of Feminizing Hormones post. You might also be interested in The Trans Woman’s Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) Tracking Chart I created.]