Transition Experiences: It was my first week back at work as myself and it went pretty darn well. Everyone was really nice, starting with getting a new badge with my name and a new picture on Monday. There was a hiccup in that he just changed the name, thinking the picture was okay. Granted, my hair was long and curly in that photo too, but I wasn’t about to have my badge photo be of me in a guy’s shirt!
That taken care of, it was off to my building and some early butterflies in my stomach before I went in. Those passed fairly quickly and it was right to work. Everyone was using my name all week long until Friday, until I overhead some people asking where [deadname] is and “he went…” as I rushed off to a meeting. I shouldn’t expect everyone to be with the program and on board so quickly, but it still smarted a bit. At this point I just mentally shrug my shoulders over the whole thing.
Being at work as myself was surreal in that nothing was different and everything was different. To be myself at work and have people refer to me by my name was pretty darn amazing. Since I’ve been using Heather outside of work for a while now, I’ve been good about responding to my name, but there is a certain surrealism to being there as myself.
Bathrooms haven’t been an issue at all – I work for a tech company so the women’s room is generally a ghost town. The few times I’ve run into other women have been in other buildings and it’s been zero issue.
My morning makeup routine does add time to getting going and I’m still adjusting to that. I think I’ve found a low-maintenance routine that’ll work, but it is tiresome in some ways. I’m also more acutely aware of gaps in my wardrobe that need to be filled. I’m very much an easy/comfort dresser, so finding stuff that’s work appropriate is a bit challenging because I want to look a bit more dressy and professional, but that’s often at odds with my commute, where I walk a fair bit. I’m sure it’ll even out.
Emotional: Burnt out.
Monday I was on top of the world and as the week has gone on, it’s been a harder and harder slog. My take is that it’s letdown after a very long, physically and emotionally arduous journey to get to this point. Just as when I was running marathons on a regular basis, there was the satisfaction of a race completed the but the bone-tiredness and often few weeks post-race burnout while I recovered. I think I’m in a similar space now.
My favorite person in the world is coming to visit next week and that’s keeping my going and lifting my spirits a lot.
One thing that’s lingering is that now that I’ve done this, what next? There are other physical transformations I’d like to pursue, but I still need to figure out what really comes next in my life. I’m not done with transition by a long shot, but I have come a very long way and have arguably cleared the largest social hurdle. Most of my life has been focused on this for the past several years and it’s time to plan for the next cycle of my life. It’s daunting and exciting.
As it is, I’m not going to rush myself. I’m going to take some time to relax with where I’m at before barreling into the next big thing.
Physical: Still sniffly and tired. And fat. 😦 I must start exercising again.
Weight: 180 lbs.
Dose: 7 mg/day estradiol via tablets, split into AM/PM doses of 4mg/3mg.
[Looking for detailed information about male to female hormone replacement therapy dosing and effects? Read my Brief Overview of Feminizing Hormones post. You might also be interested in The Trans Woman’s Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) Tracking Chart I created.]