Transition Experiences: I had to unexpectedly visit a doctor this week and the intake form, to its credit, had “Transgendered” [sic] and “Preferred Name” fields. I wish they’d actually used the preferred name, but I guess progress is slow.
Other than that, I’ve just been busy being myself with nothing remarkable happening on the transition front.
Emotional: My sweetie came to visit this past week. We decided that the distance and other extenuating circumstances between us meant it was not to be and we have gone our separate ways. The things I still feel now and the things I felt while we were together are and were the most intense of my life. I have lots to think about.
I can say at this point that the heartache feels like a piece of me has been torn away and I desperately wish I’d been a better friend to her. But there are no do-overs or opportunities to be better for her in the future here. I just have to accept that my task is to do better for myself and others going forward.
Transition may be the most extreme act of simultaneous self-love and self-involvement that humans do. It causes us to focus tremendous energy inwards to buttress ourselves against a hostile world. This often doesn’t leave us much capacity to be supportive of those being supportive to us. I’m not sure there’s any way around that.
I just wish I hadn’t hurt someone to learn that.
Physical: From stress eating to stress and food poisoning-induced starvation. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Weight: 174 lbs.
Dose: 7 mg/day estradiol via tablets, split into AM/PM doses of 4mg/3mg.
[Looking for detailed information about male to female hormone replacement therapy dosing and effects? Read my Brief Overview of Feminizing Hormones post. You might also be interested in The Trans Woman’s Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) Tracking Chart I created.]