All the shit

Yesterday was my youngest’s seventh birthday, and he had a great party at a local bowling alley that Few arranged. It was a fun day, except for a couple of things that rankled.

Few’s half-brother, (Ferbil) also attended and gave me the bemused look he normally does now when we greeted. My mom was supposed to join us at the party, but due to traffic and her getting lost, (which happens a lot to her,) she missed almost the entire thing and arrived just as we were packing up to leave.

Wanting to make sure she had some time to spend with the grandkids, we decamped to my house along with the daughter of a family friend. All the adults sat on the porch since it was such a beautiful day in Pugetropolis yesterday while the three kids went inside to play Minecraft Pocket Edition together.

Febil had to leave to catch the bus and deadnamed me in his goodbye. I corrected him but I’m not sure he heard, and Few didn’t say anything as she ran him to the bus stop and back.

Once she returned our discussion turned to the kids and what they might do when they grow up. It was fun speculation and we all agreed that they’d do okay. As we were getting up for my mom, Few, and the kids to go, Few pointed out that they were doing pretty darn well for ‘all the shit they’ve been through.’

That statement gave me pause.

While our divorce and my gender change have certainly been disruptive to everyone, I struggled with that being ‘all the shit’.

Maybe I’m being self-deceptive. Maybe it has been a lot of shit. Most of the shit that I remember were the arguments, the vomit of a drunken wife I cleaned up, the struggles to care for our special needs kid. Maybe she was just feeling bitter in the run-up to Mother’s Day.

Who knows.

I didn’t ask. It wasn’t worth finding out.

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About cistotrans

A Seattle-area trans woman seeking a happy spot to stay at along the path of transition.
This entry was posted in divorce, family, personal history, transition and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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