You should start transition.


If there is the slightest possibility you think you are a trans woman, you should start transition.

There is no ‘trans enough’ standard you have to meet to transition. There is no ‘standard transition’ you need to follow. There is only the path of being honest with yourself.

Be honest. Transition.

Trans people lie to themselves. Over and over we lie to ourselves. We lie to ourselves about hanging in there, about enduring the life not lived, about shutting down our desires, about pretending to be the men we aren’t.

We lie to others. Over and over we lie to others. We lie that we can control it, that it’ll be the last time, that we don’t really need it, that of course we’re men.

Each falsehood is another layer obscuring ourselves from ourself and others. Layer after layer we wrap around ourselves, distorting our shape and place in the world. We cocoon ourselves in closets of lies, slowly and quickly suffocating to death.

Stop lying. Transition.

Every minute you delay is a minute of the future you cheat yourself out of, so don’t waste any time because you don’t know how much time you have left. Transition.

Yes, there will be gatekeepers and other people in your life that will do their best and worst to dissuade, slow, and stop you. This is the case with anything you do in life that makes other people uncomfortable. Transition.

Yes, it can be scary. Growth and risk are scary. To not grow or be scared means you are accepting a life with dwindling options. One day you will run out of options and be forced into change instead of self-directing it. Transition.

Yes, you may lose some family and friends. You will be better off without them, even if it really hurts. People in your life that only practice conditional love cannot be relied upon. Transition.

Yes, it can be expensive, so start saving money now. Trade a luxury for a necessity. Create a budget. Stick to it. Budget for transition so you can transition.

Most of you should start to have your beard removed. It will take a very long time and you will want as much gone as possible by the time of your social transition. Hair removal is cumulative, so every little bit adds up. Every electrolysis or laser session will take you closer to the moment you won’t have to do it any more.

Buy clothes at thrift stores at first. You’ll save money in the long run and it’s an inexpensive way to search for your style. If you do shop department or other stores, shop the sale rack first. Buying at the end of a season for use next year can save a lot of money. Your body shape will change once you start hormones, so avoid buying any expensive clothes until most of the changes have taken effect.

Hormones are not a panacea and everyone responds to them differently. Study up so you know what to expect. Missing or delaying a dose is not the end of the world.

Surgical interventions are like repairing a dinged up car. It’ll make the car look better and you may feel better about driving it around in public, but even with the dings, it still takes you places. Keep in mind that once the car’s been repaired, you still need to figure out where you want to drive it. Plan your trip accordingly.

Transition solves for gender dysphoria only. Non gender-related problems you had before transition will still be there after you transition. But without having to worry about the gender dysphoria, you’ll have a whole bunch more mental space to address them.

Post-transition, you’ll wonder why you waited. You’ll wonder why you made it out to be such a big deal. You’ll wonder how you made it through life trying to live as a guy. You’ll likely be happier, more relaxed, and see the world differently.

Or not. It seems to depend on what you bring with you through the process.

But don’t wait to the point of regret. Waiting for the best time to transition is like waiting for the best time to get out of an abusive relationship. Transition.

Don’t wait. Transition.

You will thank yourself.

(P.S. – Transition.)


About cistotrans

A Seattle-area trans woman seeking a happy spot to stay at along the path of transition.
This entry was posted in activism, coming out, community, hair removal, HRT, observations, opinion, self-acceptance, transgender and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink.

22 Responses to You should start transition.

  1. croftale says:

    Um, so you think I should transition? ;-P

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Great piece. Transition now!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. candicejune says:

    Huw true this post is. I know I’ve lived it fit thirty years. Lying and dying for doing so. I’ve fixed that and I’m happy finally.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. georgiakevin says:

    What an incredible post! i soo needed to read this that i bookmarked it. This is a call to arms. i have known that i should transition for a very long time but am not a brave girl, your post is like a call to action. From the depths of my heart, thank you ((((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))))).

    Liked by 2 people

  5. I’m transitioning the other way but this is so beautiful and it hit so hard. Thank you for saying what I needed to hear

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Joanna says:

    I completely agree Heather except for the “slightest chance” part in that I think it should be based more on a certainty that you MUST do it. There are shades of grey on the dysphoria scale and not everyone would reap the same benefits as you have. While I am extremely happy for you I think results do vary from person to person.


    Liked by 1 person

    • cistotrans says:

      Everyone makes their own transition. I’m not advocating that people chuck their lives to transition but to live their lives and have transition be a part of it. The old model was effectively, “don’t transition unless you’ll kill yourself otherwise.” I’m advocating, “transition so you don’t get to the point of wanting to kill yourself.”

      For trans women, starting to have their beard removed is an easy, albeit expensive, way to begin transition and not risk much, all things being equal. I know some can’t even do that, but at what psychic cost?

      Thanks for reading!

      Liked by 1 person

      • Joanna says:

        yes that makes a lot of sense!


      • Dabrela says:

        Heather, I was led to your post via T-Central and was hooked by your opening sentence. But I’m bound to agree with Joanna that if you’re going to embark on a course of action that will turn your life upside down and jeopardize existing relationships, it has to be based on a lot more than a “slight possibility”. Unless by “start transition” you mean taking reversable steps in private – rather than placing yourself in the hands of medics and gender therapists and “coming out” to friends and family? I’ve been grappling with this problem for several years now. I find no simple answers, only more questions.


      • cistotrans says:

        I think that people should do what’s comfortable for them. I totally get people’s complex life situations, especially if married with children, and how that can make some courses of action hard.

        My point is more that if you think you might be trans, you almost certainly are, and the only way to find out if that’s not the case is to embrace it and discover where you are comfortable with the embrace.

        For some, that’s wearing clothes when nobody is around. For others, it’s transition will every surgery possible. For still others, it’s somewhere in between. Without doing something, anything, it’s like thinking to yourself that you really, really want to take a walk but never getting out of your chair.

        I think that a 15-minute electrolysis session, which could be $20-$30, is a relatively low-cost way to discover what feelings it generates. 15 minutes of electrolysis, spread over the entire beard area, will not be noticeable for long, if at all.

        The only way to know if you’ll like going for a walk is to get out of the chair and going for a walk.

        Best wishes on your journey. It can be a hard one at times, but it also brings great joys. But that’s life in general, isn’t it?


  7. oblomov says:

    Heather, I think that you have said just about all that needs to be said. Once you start to see the effects of beard removal you will soon know if a total transition is for you. If you even suspect then avoid getting locked into a family relationship to “cure yourself”, it just makes any future change so much harder in every way.

    Finding a means of living not dependent on the casual whims of those who may not understand could be the best move and one I wish I had taken to be independent. I missed out on so many decades when I could have enjoyed life to the full.

    Every reason I gave myself for not transitioning eventually proved to be delusional nonsense.

    T Central should post this every month.

    Liked by 1 person

    • cistotrans says:

      Thank you for reading! I, too, spent those decades in the shadows and convinced myself that the sun was not for me. I still kick myself for stopping electrolysis. I always wanted my beard off and once started again and an end was in sight, it hastened my transition.


  8. Dee says:

    “Plan your trip accordingly.” Genuinely made me laugh out loud – my internal GPS does not recognise my current location let alone where I am heading. I may be a few years late to the party but thank you so much for posting this.

    Liked by 1 person

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