Week 145 – Depression

Fuck you, depression. Fuck your torpor. Fuck your timelessness. Fuck your nothingness. Fuck your lack of prioritization. Fuck your inability to get shit done. Fuck your sadness. Fuck your emptiness. Fuck your appetite. Fuck your self-loathing. Fuck your sloth. Fuck your compulsions. Fuck your lying. Fuck your darkness. Fuck your fucking ability to melt away like your gone but only go dormant and spill out like a loud fart in an elevator. Fuck your passionate dispassion. Fuck your lack of perspective. Just fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you. Fuck you.

I will take your negative energy and use it against you. I will eat you and shit you out. I will blow your smoke away. I will evaporate your foul issue. I will dissect you piece by piece. I will leave you to freeze. I will plug the holes you climb in through. I will fight you and I will win. I will leave you behind. I will stoke the braziers to blaze bright. I will spill the words until they make sense and then I will spill some more until they shine and then I will spill some more until they are the perfect gears to grind you to dust. I will fight you, fight you, fight you, fight. you. until you give up. I will take the invisible things in my head and make them seen. I will turn the valves and pour out the unbidden objects that clutter my mind to manifest them. I will expose you for the fraud you are. I will laugh at you in the street. I will inoculate myself from your pestilence. I will not suffer under your dominion. I will not recognize your false authority. I will make you wish you were the blues and had learned how to play guitar. I will make you wish you’d never met me.

©Heather Coldstream


About cistotrans

A Seattle-area trans woman seeking a happy spot to stay at along the path of transition.
This entry was posted in mental health, transition and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Week 145 – Depression

  1. bethanyk says:

    Awesome post heather

    Liked by 1 person

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