Week 154 – The dream-like past

My past is like a series of dream sequences slowly evaporating upon awakening. The outlines are still there, but the details are become fuzzier and fuzzier as time passes.


EXTERIOR, SIXTH GRADE RECESS: Some boys are playing touch football on a sandy area in front of the monkey bars. A lone figure stands before the two teams. The team captains argue, as neither wants the reluctant-looking participant. The individual looks confused and keeps glancing at the monkey bars and the girls playing on them.

“Maybe I could be the referee?” they venture.

The sandlot swallows them whole in a puff of dust and the team captains, looking relieved to have their problem solved for them, begin the game.


INTERIOR, FRATERNITY HOUSE PARTY: Young men and women are laughing and drinking while listening to The Cure playing in the background during a fraternity/sorority social. A long-haired person sits on the stairs alone, drinking beer from a large red plastic cup. They watch the party with a puzzled look on their face. None of the women approach and the fraternity brothers going up and down the stairs drop advice as they pass by.

“You’re not going to get laid unless you talk to someone!”

“Go talk to some pussy.”

“That chick’s hammered. She’ll be an easy lay.”

The stairs turn into a slide, and the person sitting on them plunges into a black, oily pit in the basement. The party continues as if nothing has happened.


INTERIOR, SUBURBAN TRACT HOME: A lone figure paces a hallway and glances into a bedroom on every pass. A wedding dress is spread out on a bed. After multiple passes, they pause at the doorway, grip the door frame, and slightly swaying as if unsure if they will enter. As if in a trance they enter the room, pick up the dress, take it back to their room, undress, and put it on. The ceiling dissolves, the walls fall away, and they standing in a temperate forest with cedars and ferns during a downpour. Wolves begin to howl in the distance as if they have picked up a scent and begun to hunt. The person in the dress hikes up the skirts and runs. The white hems become stained with dark mud.


INTERIOR, ALPINE CABIN KITCHEN: A male and female couple sits at the countertop eating dinner. Each dinner plate is covered with a single white squid. The squid wiggle on the plates with tentacles that wave in the air.

“It’s all in the past,” the man says.

The squid on his plate springs up on its tentacles and wraps them around his neck. He grimaces. The woman looks on, nonplussed, as the squid makes sucking motions and blood diffuses through its body, turning it red.

“But it may come back,” he continues.

The squid, now engorged, explodes and splatters blood everywhere, including on the couple.

“Can I have another beer?” the woman asks.

She ignores the blood dripping down her face in rivulets.



About cistotrans

A Seattle-area trans woman seeking a happy spot to stay at along the path of transition.
This entry was posted in gender transition, transgender, transition and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to Week 154 – The dream-like past

  1. janitorqueer says:

    I like these scenes a lot – hope to read more like it!

    Liked by 1 person

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