What I tell myself when I’m having a bad moment

What I tell myself when I’m having a bad moment:

Step back from the ledge.

This broader world <waves hands> can really suck, but what about your internal world?

Look how far you’ve come.

You are Heather.

You made it; you found her and brought her to life.

Recognize all you went through to walk out of a state of confinement a free woman.

As a free woman, you are now free to pursue happiness however you define it.

Sometimes that means you do things in the pursuit of happiness that disappoint your friends and your family. And sometimes you disappoint yourself. Bitterly.

Some disappointments are big and some are small.

But they’re the price of pursuing happiness. No risk, no reward.

I see you’re very unhappy now; maybe even despondent.

You are strong.

You are a survivor.

You are brave.

And you are having a bad moment in time.

It will pass if you let it by.

Let it go by like all the other bad moments of the past, and think of the one thing that brings you the most peace.

Remember that late spring cluster of alder sapling, dappling golden sun into shifting green in a whispering rustle of viridescent lenses? Remember watching the sunset glisten purple on the mountaintops as it grew stars? Remember sitting on the porch and how the bat caught gnats or mosquitos from above your head with each pass?

Please sit down somewhere safe and consider that most beautiful moment in time.

Time is funny. That moment is in the past, but at one point it was in your future.

Take this bad moment, catalog it, acknowledge it has happened, set it aside, and contemplate that most beautiful moment.

Let yourself idly wonder if a better moment is still to come in your future.

But remember that day. It happened. Beauty and peace exists.

Much love,

💕 Heather


About cistotrans

A Seattle-area trans woman seeking a happy spot to stay at along the path of transition.
This entry was posted in gender transition, mental health, personal history, self-acceptance, transgender, transition and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to What I tell myself when I’m having a bad moment

  1. Willa Patryn says:

    Wow!, yeah!!
    EXACTLY what I needed to read right now!
    Thank YOU Heather

    Well worth the wait, it was

    Liked by 1 person

  2. bethanyk says:

    Are you ok?you havent posted in awhile

    Liked by 1 person

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