The Work of Being Trans

Being trans is work, no matter where you are in your transition journey.

Pre-transition, I spent vast amounts of energy attempting to compartmentalize away being trans and when that became impossible, juggling my inner and outer lives while going to therapy.

During the part-time phase of transition, I had to keep track of who I was out to while learning to navigate in a new life.

Post-transition, it’s been mostly name change cleanup, dealing with the random misgenderings and transphobia, and getting my surgical stuff sorted out. I can see the outlines of post-surgical life and the work it’ll take to maintain the physical changes.

There’s a ton of stuff I’ve glossed over in each of those phases, but the gist is there’s a bunch of unavoidable stuff to deal with if you’re trans.

But some of that work has been fun! Discovering my style. The sublime pleasure of just being myself. Being recognized and seen as who I self-define myself as. The company of other women. Not carrying around a boulder of self-doubt about myself has freed me in ways that were unimaginable pre-transition.

If my transition was about anything, it was about the work of overcoming anxiety and fear. Overcoming the anxiety of what-might-happens and the fears of the what-will-happens. As it turned out, most of the might-happens never came to pass and the did-happens, while not always a bed of roses, made me a stronger person for coming out the other side.

I’m glad I did the work.

 


©Heather Coldstream

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2016: Poems from a Year of Change

Uncertain: Poems About Gender Transition

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About cistotrans

A Seattle-area trans woman seeking a happy spot to stay at along the path of transition.
This entry was posted in gender transition, LGBT, mental health, observations, personal history, self-acceptance, transgender, transition and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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